FW: [Fwd: FW: Olan Mills Awesomeness]

Actual Olan Mills photos

A friend sent me these and I absolutely had to post them.

She’s looking for the speaker that’s piping in “Muskrat Love” so she can blast it with her laser eyes.

I’d hide my face, too, little girl

Nothing says 1973 quite like denim and helmet hair

Talk about a third wheel…

It’s so cute when couples have matching hairdos

Someone spent money on this.

Hiroshima, 1945. The last known photo of Kelli and Senor Loco .

I got a 20 that says he drives a Camaro.

Kenneth and his prom date

Grapefruit smuggling isn’t a crime, but posing it in profile should be.

You’d think Pearle Vision would throw in another two pairs for free.

Olan Mills is all about versatility. The simple addition of a column turns this generic plantation into Tara, where, apparently, someone opened a Hair Cuttery. (This Dorothy Hamill cut was very popular in 70s after Doro won Olympic gold. Both my sisters had the cut at different times. I did not — although I did have a huge crush on Dorothy).

The Library might be more believable if the shelves weren’t sloping downhill

Olan Mills Backdrop #11: The Library, one of their most popular themes, as seen in this photo of the young Unabomber and his wife.

At the Southern Baptist Convention?

And don’t miss the First Presbyterian Players as they perform “Godspell” next Wednesday night in the Fellowship Hall. Childcare will be provided. Please bring a covered dish.

This photo isn’t discolored. The 70s really were that Orange.

Dawn and her recently exhumed sister, Gorgotha, pose with Scraps.

Just a typical afternoon down on the plantation. In a business suit. Y’know, for a budget meeting with the slaves.

Rejected Toby Keith album cover.

Bobbi isn’t the first waitress to fall for her manager, but she and Dale both got fired from Shoney’s.

Oh, this is super. What better way to capture the charm and innocence of a child than to plunk him down amid the coarse trappings of a life lived in pursuit of wealth — oversized bills, an adding machine and the Wall Street Journal — and make him sit inside a briefcase? (They probably just fold up the little demon right in there to carry him home.) The finishing touch is the globe, which completes the portrait of the young Antichrist in Chess King vest and Red Goose loafers, plotting his takeover of the world (insert maniacal laugh). That is, as soon as someone changes his poopy diaper.

A pose like this will get you kicked right out of the Convention.

Olan Mills backdrop #4: Bucolic Meadow with Split Rail Fence. Is that an animal carcass behind her?

Once they had two or three, how did they ever find enough time alone to make more?

It’s called a leisure suit, ladies and germs, and if you didn’t have one in the early 70s, you were a big fat loser. Mine was teal. I wore it with a silk floral shirt and a long necklace with a football player pendant that we all got at that year’s team banquet. I was THE MAN.

I wanted a shot like this for my wedding. The Mrs. said no.

The Purvis family made several stops along the Oregon Trail to document their six-month journey. This photo was taken just two weeks before the dysentery took Momma to Jesus.

That dude wore a tie for nothing.

Drake won Bitchin’est Senior Mullet by a landslide.

Those glasses came free with a purchase of Brut cologne.hose glasses came free with a purchase of Brut cologne.